BEDA failure


I found out that I was accepted to my dream college, and proceeded to spend the last few days in reckless celebration. I forgot about my commitment to my dear, neglected mistress…this blog.

A month or two ago, I received a rejection letter from my other top pick college, and I wrote a post:

“How the hell do I deal with this?????

Sorry, that makes no sense. Let me provide some context.

I’ve never really been hurt in a relationship. some would say that’s because I have commitment issues, others would say I’m heartless. Whatever. The long and the short of it is, I don’t know what it feels like to break up with someone. Or at least, to have a tragic break-up with someone.

But I think it has to feel a little like what I’m going through right now. It’s so stupid. I mean, in the long run, it probably doesn’t matter.  I got a rejection letter from my one of my top two colleges, and I don’t know…it’s like I can breath. I just…I could really see myself there, you know?It’s been my dream for so long, and even though I knew I was under-qualified, I still hoped.

I’m crying even as I write this. I feel like an idiot. There’s that little voice of self-doubt saying “What if you don’t get in anywhere? Why are you even going to college? You’re too stupid. A college would have to be desperate to accept you.”  Usually, that wouldn’t bother me. Right now, though, it just feels true.

All my friends are getting acceptance letters, and I just feel so lost. I don’t know what to do. So far, I’ve been wait-listed for one school and rejected by another.  And I just wish I had some semblance of a plan. It’s not like I have community college as a fall-back. I’ll already have my AA.”

Rereading it now, I feel silly and relived. I guess that sometimes we get so caught up in the moment that we forget about the bigger picture. Sometimes, things don’t work out like we expect them to. But the failure of one plan can mean the fruition of another (even better) plan.

I got into a school that really is a much better fit for me. It’s located in close proximity to my dream city, and it has every single one of the majors I’m considering. In addition, it all came with a very generous financial aid package. I’m so excited that I can hardly keep from packing already!

Thank you to those of you who read this blog. I love each and every one of you, and appreciate the time that you invest reading these posts. I’m going to finish celebrating. Until tomorrow…


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