What is the what

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Sometimes, when I’m stressed or emotional, I’ll  listen to Ke$ha. There is no logical reason for this. There’s just something kinda cathartic about the shallow lyrics, repetitive choruses, and the fact that each song is about 85% electronic. I don’t get it. It’s really embarrassing, and it’s not something I’d admit if put on the spot.

But this is what my life looks like right now…

Scene:  A girl sits alone on the floor of a typical suburban bedroom. She is surrounded by piles and piles of books, papers, binders, notebooks, and note-cards.  Colorful college brochures are scattered here and there, like wounded birds, half buried beneath dirty laundry and a smattering of glasses and bowls. In front of her is a computer that has seen better days. The girl herself is a haggard-looking 18 year old with a short pixie cut that looks more like a bird’s nest than hair.  She wears leggings, a crumpled t-shirt advertising some nerdy (yet vaguely mainstream) TV show, and over-the-ear headphones. She is seated criss-cross applesauce, and is shoveling chocolate pudding into her face. She is teary in a way that would make her mascara run, if she ever had the time or energy to figure out how to put on mascara (also if she wasn’t terrified of mascara, but that’s another story…).

Girl (crying and singing at the same time): “Stephen, why won’t you call me? I’m sitting here waiting. Why won’t you call me? Stephen, I’m feeling pathetic. I can’t take rejection. Why won’t you call me?”  (breaks into sobs, stops singing) Ke$ha’s right I am pathetic. I don’t even know who Stephen is, but he’ll never call. Why would he? I hate my life. Why am I such a loser?! (shovels more pudding into her mouth) Why would any college ever accept me, if Stephen won’t even call?!?

The girl stops, thinks for a moment, and shakes out of it.

What am I talking about??? I don’t even know any Stephens! I have like 5 papers to do before tomorrow. Come on! I’m an intelligent, independent woman. I’ve got this. Focus! I should just st0p listening to this cra…oh no (as she goes to click the mouse, the song changes. She bursts into ears again and starts singing) “I’m dancing with tears in my eyes, just fighting to get through the night. I’m losing it (cries harder) looosing it, loosing iit. With every move I die” (she stops singing, and wipes at her eyes)I can’t even…(sobs)

Lately,there has been a lot of Ke$ha in my play queue.

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