Guest Post #1: What’s in a name? This is.


Hey all! As you may have heard, I’m not the usual writer for If I’m Juliet, just a friend who happened to unwittingly post a résumé in the comments and land a position on the newly formed B team of writers. So, the age-old adage stands: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” (As evidenced by my temp job here as a stand-in blogger when I have no real clue I’m doing.)

In lieu of cluttering up this post with an introduction of myself, I’ll just post a link where you can evaluate my credentials and/or find the answers to only the most important details anyone might need to know about me here. —> The Unintentional Job Application

In the aftermath of my surprise employment, I was faced with a crisis rooted deep in the territory of the world wide web: I had to pick a username. Now, if you’ve made your way here, chances are you spend a considerable amount of time on the internet, so you should find this rather relevant… that’s the plan anyway.

This might just be the perfectionism that permeates most aspects of my life, but I see picking out a username as an opportunity to assert my creativity and wit upon the world. But even if you don’t share my particular brand of crazy, using the following advice as a guideline may at least save you the headache of trying to be more original than the millions of name-hunters preceding you on the various websites you encounter, and perhaps some embarrassment if your friends ever happen to check the screen over your shoulder.

Spare us humans the binary code – If your web-bound alter ego goes by princess32121348694131654654498, we can’t be friends. Seriously, that’s just inconsiderate. Numbers are only acceptable in small doses, preferably with some sort of meaning attached to them. No matter how many precious minutes you have to spend concocting permutations of your original effort, just don’t go there.

Use fancy adjectives – I propose this as a replacement for adding the first 100 decimal places of pi to the end of your name. It’s far more interesting and much easier for all parties involved to remember.

Embrace the title you’ve always wished you had – Adding a Mr, Mrs, or Miss to the front of your name is another far cleaner alternative to the distasteful number-adding phenomena. You can use most any label to this effect (Sir, Lady, Humanoid, etc.), so you should find at least one that hasn’t been used already.

Draw inspiration from
Steal ^ the genius of others – Shortened quotes or references to a favorite book, movie, song, or meme add a nice personal touch by displaying a snippet of your interests.

Follow your heart (or wherever it is that emotions happen) – If you’re still searching after applying all of the aforementioned techniques, follow the examples of IHateThinkingOfAUsername and ItsWayPastMyBedtime and channel that frustration you’re sure to be feeling.

And now, a short list of usernames I’ve actually stumbled upon in my journeys across the interweb, so you can see my recommendations in action.

Examples/Hall of Fame:

  • PeanutBudda (Puns: Always recommended in my book.)
  • CanadiansF***YeahSorryAboutTheLanguage (If you’re new to the internet, you should know that it enjoys placing large demographics under broad stereotypes. For example: Citizens of Canada=Polite to a fault.)
  • katherinethe19th (A reference to “An Abundance of Katherines” by John Green of the vlogbrothers.)
  • imthe8thhorcrux (Another literary reference to a series of which you may have heard.)
  • WhoTheEffIsMe (Tribute to the ongoing vlogbrothers joke “Who the eff is Hank?”)
  • SubstituteReality (I believe this was derived from one of my favorite quotes, “I reject your reality and substitute my own.” –Adam Savage, Mythbuster)
  • sparksflyup (Can you tell I love the vlogbrothers? They created this one based on the scripture Job 5:7 “For man is born for trouble, As sparks fly upward.”)
  • kaysyconundrum (Points for alliteration.)
  • LinseytheNerdiest (My, what a lovely and creative title you have there.)
  • IHateThinkingOfAUsername (And how do you feel about that?)
  • ItsWayPastMyBedtime (Looks like the last ditch effort of a bewildered and sleep-deprived individual.)
  • WhatYouOughttoKnow (Definitely validates whatever comments they may leave.)
  •  And my all time favorite… OhLookABandwagon. No explanation needed.

If you still have trouble snagging a moniker and just need someone who relates, Natalie Tran (aka communitychannel) is your friend: click here for a sense of camaraderie (Just a heads up for those of you who dislike profanity, I’d rank this as PG-13 for language.)

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