Monthly Archives: October 2012

I’m happy…

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High School Dance: 1941

Today was perfect in a million small ways. I mean, there so much that could have gone better. I wish I’d been more proactive about housework and homework. It was absolutely soaking wet outside. I went to a dance, and wish that I’d have done something I didn’t have the courage to do.

But in another way, I wouldn’t change a thing. Driving to a soccer game in a warm car with rain all around and the sound of jazz enveloping everything and coating it with significance… getting ready for the dance with a group of friends (some new, some old)…actually wearing make-up and painting my nails…having far too much coffee and far too little food…dancing like a maniac, even though I can’t really dance…having my stomach do those stupid flips that prove I’m actually a human with feelings and emotions…driving home and experiencing that sense of camaraderie that makes you feel young and alive in a way few things do…

I think I’m beginning to understand that I’m a senior. I feel so utterly alive, in part because of the coffee and the late hour. But another reason is that I feel awake for the first time in a while. I feel like I’m living my life, not just watching it pass by. And I relish it.

That’s all I’ve got tonight, guys.

 

47 Random Questions

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English: Zelda Sayre at about 18 in dance costume.

My life is busy beyond belief, but I still want to blog. You know what that means…. QUESTIONNAIRE TIME!!!!

  1. My full name- This is the internet, soooo no. My first name’s Robyn though, not Juliet, just FYI.
  2. Zodiac sign- Scorpio, but I’m not really the mystical type
  3. 3 fears- Llamas, elevators, and lack of control.
  4. 3 things I love- Musicals, mud, and the color purple.
  5. 4 turn on’s-  This
  6. 4 turn off’s- ^^^^^^
  7. My best friend- I have a cluster, not just one individual.
  8. Sexual orientation- Heterosexual. Sorry ladies 😛
  9. My best first date- It wasn’t even supposed to be a date, but we ended up getting milkshakes in the middle of a grocery store. It was a blast.
  10. How tall am I?- 5’8 and a half. Yep.
  11. What do I miss?- Believing that growing up meant kissing boys, getting a driver’s license, and going to college.
  12. What time was I born?- Evening, like 8 o’clockish, I think.
  13. Favorite color?- Black, unless you count that as the absence of color. Then purple.
  14. Do I have a crush?- Yep.
  15. Favorite quote- At the moment?”She refused to be bored chiefly because she was not boring.” ~Zelda Fitzgerald
  16. Favorite place- There’s a certain resturant
  17. Favorite food- Stir fry. This is a recent development. Formerly, I would have said lasagna.
  18. Do I use sarcasm?- Never
  19. What am I listening to right now?- A Tour in Italy by Bandaid. It’s ridiculously catchy.
  20. First thing I notice in new people?- Vocabulary
  21. Shoe size?- Why? Do you have a foot fetish, questionnaire?
  22. Eye color- Hazel
  23. Hair color- My friend Max says it’s “dirty blonde”
  24. Favorite style of clothing-A mix between high fashion and the soccer field.
  25. Ever done a prank call?- Yep!
  26. What color underwear…is this a real question? No.
  27. Meaning behind my URL?- See this from two years ago
  28. Favorite movie- It changes constantly, but right now it’s Reality Bites
  29. Favorite song- Again, this is constantly changing, but probably Roll to Me by Del Amitri at this moment. I’m on a 90’s kick.
  30. Favorite band- Possibly The Mountain Goats
  31. How I feel right now- Tired
  32. Someone I love- Josh. I love Josh.
  33. My current relationship status- Perpetually single 😛
  34. My relationship with my parents- Complicated. Just don’t bring up spoons or windows…
  35. Favorite holiday- Which ever is next. That means it’s currently Halloween!
  36. Tattoos and piercings I have – My ears are pierced.
  37. Tattoos and piercings I want- None. There’s little that could convince me that I need more needles in my life.
  38. The reason I started blogging- It’s cliched, but I wanted to be heard. I like writing and can only take so much approval from my mother.
  39. Last book I read?- The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
  40. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good evening” texts?- Occasionally
  41. Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?- It was my classmate Gloria, so…no.
  42. When did I last hold hands?- Friday, I think?
  43. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?- Maybe 15 minutes.
  44. Have I shaved my legs in the last three days?- Um, I actually don’t know…
  45. Where am I right now?- At home, exhausted.
  46. If I was drunk and unable to stand, who’d be taking care of me?- Usually I’d say my friend Jess, but if I’m drunk…she probably is too! So I’ll go with Nate, my poor neighbor/surrogate brother.
  47. Do I like my music at a loud or reasonable level?- Define “reasonable”.

You know far more than you ever wanted to about me. But in the interest of fairness, if you answer the survey and link it in the comments, I pinkie promise to not only read it, but to leave a comment of my own. Deal?

 

Waiting

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I have little patience. Concentration is a challenge, and waiting rooms are nothing short of torture.  I pace when I’m thinking, I doodle in class, and I tap my foot when it takes too long for someone to come to the point. Inactivity is my Kryptonite. I share the “I want it NOW!” attitude of much of my generation.

Every once in a while, though, I’ll find something worth waiting for. In such cases, my patience is endless. I’ll keep waiting for something I should have given up long ago.

Right now, I’m in one of my waiting periods. I’ve found something that I want desperately. So I wait. And I’ll admit there’s a part of me that wants to burst into action, to do something. But it’s one of those cases where action would case more harm than good.

It’s so hard! There’s a little voice screaming at me, telling me that inactivity is passivity. A wiser, calmer voice reminds me of all the times I acted when I should have just sat down. It plays memory after memory of me running my mouth, doing the wrong thing, or causing damage that could have been avoided if I’d just given myself time to let emotion cool.  I’m such a passionate person that I tend to regret what I say in the heat of the moment.

And it’s not as though I’ve done nothing. If this whole situation were chess, I’ve done the equivalent of placing my opponent’s king in check. Now I just have to wait for their next move, and that’s the difficult part.

September was an emotional month, and so far, October seems to be following suit. To lighten the mood, here are my (unedited) journal entries from the past two days:

Oct. 1, 2012

OMG! It’s OCTOBER!!!! How????? I don’t even know…. So you can see, I am a deep individual.

Oct. 2, 2012

I’m shrouded in a cloud of apathy. Bleh.

 

I know, right? My journal is the most unintelligent piece of writing I have ever had the misfortune of reading (or writing, for that matter!). But I have a theory that if I get out all my bad writing in my journal, then my writings here and for school will be nothing short of literary gems.

Yep.  See you soon.