My Lethologica Love

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*This was an idea for one of the letters in my novel, but it didn’t quite match the flow of the rest of the book. I really enjoyed though so I wanted to share. Enjoy! 😀

Sometimes I wonder if you’re real- if we’re real. I mean you could easily be something I dreamed up in boredom or loneliness or sadness. And by you, I don’t mean the physical, tangible you who was born in September and is allergic to the nightshade family. I mean the you I’m in love with.

Yes, love. That overused word that is supposed to express the strongest of all human emotions (except for hate, but that’s a different story). I love you, or at least a facsimile.

The you I’m in love with shares many traits with the real you. He’s a skinny beanpole with ulotrichous hair. He’s loud, opinionated, and sometimes obnoxious. More than anything, he wants to have fun.

But there are differences too. Like the fact that the you I’m in love with loves me back. Sometimes he sends me silly notes for no reason at all. He sees “us” as a possibility, not an abstract concept. And I know that’s not real.You don’t think like that.

I wonder if I’m being ridiculous. Probably. And it’s even worse that I wish you were being ridiculous too.

Sometimes I see it, like dust mites that appear suspended in the light of the fading sun. We lock eyes and suddenly nothing else matters. We banter back and forth. We laugh at the same jokes. But it’s sphallolalia. All light and no substance, gone as soon as you blink.

Your love is lygerastiac. It’s in the dark, quiet moments. Would it take so very much to make it grow? Or would it shrivel and die in the sight of the world?

But then I remember that’s not really you. That’s the you I’m in love with. Maybe it’s something that I want so badly that I turn you into what you’re not. That isn’t fair- to you or me.

My heart is filipendous, and sooner or later it’s going to fall. Illusions shatter with time and paper love burns in the fires of reality. I’ll let go before I get hurt and leave you with your autolatry love. We’ll both be better off.

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