This is what a typical conversation is like in my so-called life. This is not verbatim, but it’s pretty freaking close.
My friend: I think we should pretend you had a horrible breakup so we can have one of those “watch-terrible-chick-flicks-and-eat-tons-of-ice-cream-and-not-feel-guilty” nights.
My friend: what??? we get to have an emotional night, but you get to be the brokenhearted one, ok?
Me: Why I am the heart broken one?
My friend: Because I was the last time.
Me: Ah, we take turns?
My friend: Well I can’t always be brokenhearted, can I? According to some people I don’t even have a heart!
Me: Same here!
My friend: Do you want me to take this round? I can get emoti0nal if I get ice cream for it.
Me: No, I’ll do it. I feel like crying for no reason anyways.
My friend: Maybe it should be both of us this time. Do you want Gregorio or can I have him?
[side note: Gregorio was the imaginary Italian boyfriend we created in middle school. Yeah, I know.]
Me: You can have Gregorio. I’ll sob about Paulo
[side note part deux: there is no story for Paulo. It’s just an attractive name]
My friend: Ok good, because I get confused. Yay! I’ll make a playlist and we can come up with a list of movies.
Me: Yay!!! Some new films, not just our stand-bys
My friend: I agree. How about Dirty Dancing?
Me: Yes! I’ve heard Barefoot in the Park is good.
My friend: Let’s add it to the list.
Me: What about Love Story?
My friend: I haven’t heard of it, but let’s give it a try. After all, we are broken hearted hormonial teen girls
Me: True, true. It’s from the 70s. It may be on Netflix
My friend: I have a whole category of romantic movies on there.
Me: Bam! Good idea!
My friend: We will be spontaneous.
Me: But not about ice cream.
My friend: Of course not! That is sacred.
My friend: Oh, and I bought some cookies for the party [another party, not the break-up, ice cream one], the closest to jammy dodgers I could find.
Me: Oooooh could we do fish fingers and custard???
[side note trois: both jammy dodgers and fish fingers and custard are foods from the British show Doctor Who, of which we are fans. This might explain the rest of this conversation.]
My friend: Ah! we need to!
Me:I think the custard is a weird British type though…
My friend: Yeah it is. I don’t know where to get it.
Me: Um, there used to be a British tea shop in the area. Or we could just use American custard
My friend: No, I’m sure it tastes different.
Me: I’ve made custard from scratch before…
My friend: Then we should just do that, and while making it speak in English accents so it’d be British.